Wednesday, 2 May, 2012

First Filled and Emptied ....

Is it true that some times you dream so positively for something that it becomes a living reality for you? and then its so dofficult to break it? to come out of it and think and accept otherwise?

Yes this does happen. It happened with me too. I dreamt of something, and i was living it. i was living it the way you now see what i have written here. It was a reality for me, just like the sun rising everyday, just like the image that you would see in the mirror.

And then someone told me that its just a dream, that i ought to wake up. Wake Up? oh c'mon, this is truth. i am here and this is what really it is. what do you mean by "wake up"? you must be nutts.

No, but that person was right. i realised it. and i realised it a hard way.

I realised that i was not living my past. it was also not my future. and It wasnt even the present. It was actually nowhere. Not on this earth at least.

I realised it a hard way, and i also gave that friend of mine a hard time making me realise this. It was tough though. How about me saying "it is ought to happen this way when i was doing so and so...and now that you say it hasnt happen, shall go back or re do the so and so, so that it happens...and i can make sure it happens. because you know, it has to happen that way only. that is what it should be like."

My god, i could have been such a pain. but yes i was. and i am not now. i know and accept i made a fool of myself.

But how do one realises that he/she is getting into some this sort of thoughts? i dont know this. Its true people say that you learn by your mistakes or you learn by your experiences.

all i can say is, hear to what your close well wishers tell you and try not giving them hard time while realising that you are actually becoming a painful dreamer.



Friday, 5 October, 2007

writing something

Tonight i want to write something
i want to pour out my heart in words
Where i can say my deepest fears
Where i can confess everything
Even the things i feel deep inside

I feel like writing something
something on the days i have lived
the nights i have cried through
the sunsets i have endured
And the mornings i have prayed
The deepest desires of my own self

May sound so weird
But i have lost mt own in days
The years i have seen the world
The memories i can recollect
I can see myslef being and becomming what i am
And i can know, this was not me twenty two years back

The past has been in the mind
and i remember it sitting here alone in dark
it gives me pain, happiness, pleasure
and this is what has made me as i am
that one that has created my, evolved me, the today
and i am still finding who i am
And i get no answer from within me

I want to write something
Of the dreams i have seen
of those i have achieved
and those that were broken
And about one deares dream of finding love
Which is yet to be materialised
Will it be broken? will it be the truth?
I dont know and i am waiting

I want to write something
Of the freinds i have had
of thsoe who are still there with me
and more of those who have left me in midst
Of the days we spent togather
Of the talks we still have
Of the promises we could not keep
And the commitments which were never there

I want to write something
Of the places i have been to
Of those i dont like
but i know i remember them too
Of thsoe i loved
and i never wanted to leave
Of those that were mine some day
but not a part of me now
But i still love that place, and i want it back

I feel like writing something
that i remember all bad and ugly too
i remember all good and happy
for all those are the things that have made me
the way i am
but still i feel i have lost myself
lost in the hope of getting something better
lost in struggle of living some more
always giving up myslef for others
and also giving up on others
noone to take me as i am
noone to know me the whole, and still love me
and i wait for the love of mine
to feel to love, and to feel being loved
without strings without conditions
coz i will be me, again and recovered
when the love will embrace me
and find the most beautiful place on earth

Just tonight i felt like writing something
I didnt know what to write
what to say
but something on me, my life, my dreams - JUST ME.

Wednesday, 26 September, 2007

just one of those..........

being so lonely in the crowds
how it feels to know you r alone
when you know a lot of people around you
when you are there in everyones celeberations
and to know you are not improtant to any one of them
that you are never admired for your own presence
that you are just one more count in the group
not for one, not for two, but for everyone
to know that you are just one of those lots many flowers
in the gardens of roses and lillies
and spectacular when so many around
not even one would take you preciously
you are just one of those roads that people pass by
that they know they have passed, then passed and forgotten
you are one of those birds who fly in flocks
not even one is precious to those who see them
but yes, all of them look together really cute
it hurts to know insignificance of your precense
to know that nobody is really looking for you
whatever you do, however you are
you are just one of those many things that happen to one
to just happen, and not rememberd
to just pass by, and never gathered!!!

Thursday, 2 August, 2007

Tonight the stars are bright
And it is the loveliest night
All smiles are genuine
And all twinkles are shining

Tonight the stars are bright
And heart is pounding high
All the worlds’ happiness is in me
And all the flowers are smelling good

Tonight the stars are bright
And love flows from all sides
All the colours look beautiful
And grass even more cold and moist

Tonight the stars are bright
And shivers are true
All gods are blessing me
And clouds are thundering

Tonight the stars are bright
And it is the perfect night
All the love is true
And I am happy, though late, it’s so nice.


I don’t know why
But this is what I see
That whenever I am happy
Sadness will follow me
Without a reason without a notice
So abruptly, and so easily
Giving pains and tears to shed
And then it stays with me, longer than anything else
As it is the only true companion I have
And I dislike it so much, still it keeps coming back
With same bad intense depressions
It makes me stay like this for long
But I was not like this forever
But who can now accept me as I am
Deceived, disdained, depressed, alone
That I am little afraid
That I am the one who doubts everything
That I am aloof all the time
That may be I like to be in sadness
And so even more leave me alone
With my forever companion
For they can’t bear the atrocious I say
And I am insulted and thrown out
Out of life, theirs and mine
And I stay looking back
So helpless that I can’t even say a word
Still trying to get back to joy
And shoved out of ways again and again
Then here I am
Again wording my grief
Again trying to overcome my sorrow
Again being lonely between everybody
Again scared, again dreaming
Again expecting, again crying
What will I be now? I don’t know
But this is what I see
That “sadness” is again with me.
Hold me tight as I am so scared
Pat me right as I am trembling
Kiss me please coz I am breaking down
Love me all, coz I am so alone
Make me laugh, as I can’t do it from heart
Make me cry coz I really want to do it loud
But my tears have dried
Make me love, coz I have forgotten this sheer joy
Hush me please when you have listened to all I have to say
Tell me then that you still love me the same way
Know me all, and love me even more
Ask me if I can trust you on that
Take me back to my life which I have left
Pull me to you coz I want you the most today
Coz I love only you, I yearn only you!!
Like I am in a closet
The heart is tight locked
Just feeling inside
If I also had something to be happy about
Something of that sort
That everybody has
That even I could feel happiness in my heart
And happier, happiest forever
To feel what love is
What it is to trust someone I love
But, that’s so distant a feeling
When the whole world has betrayed
When all are looking down
To have a chance to break into pieces
One moment of sheer joy
Brings even more of fears
Of being alone all over again
Of being locked and the key lost.